One liner tags: IT, life, puns. Why did the programmer quit their job? Did you hear the one about how big data is even transforming the world of comedy? It’s like the tale of the roadside merchant who was asked to explain how he could sell rabbit sandwiches so cheap. I hope some of these tickled you a little. They call me Dirichlet because all my potential is latent and awaiting allocation, Batch algorithms: YOLO (You Only Learn Once), Online algorithms: Keep Updates and Carry On, “This new display can recognise speech” “What?” “This nudist play can wreck a nice beach”, Why did the naive Bayesian suddenly feel patriotic when he heard fireworks? All sorted from the best by our visitors. Answer: They can take care of Python problems, Old data analysts never die – they just get broken down by age. Statisticians love whoever they spend the most time with; that’s their statistically significant other. I’ve compiled a list of best hilarious jokes (including images, videos) based on numbers, statistics, big data, machine learning. I can help. Computer One-liners - Part 1 Hard Disk space: the final frontier! One horse, one rabbit.” (Darrel Huff, How to Lie with Statistics) 6. Start the New Year with a broad grin and lots of laughter. The first statistician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. A company manager is flying across the desert in a hot air balloon when he realizes he is lost. Mark Data is like people – interrogate it hard enough and it will tell you whatever you want to hear. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make up the ADDucation team. Enjoy! He helps companies and executive teams manage, measure, analyze and improve performance. One liner tags: God, IT, time. Statistics is the art of never having to say you’re wrong. We’ve taught bootcamps for more than 4,000 people, which means we’ve heard almost every joke out there. "A goblet." Don’t get it? The second statistician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. Enjoy this first installment, and share with us in the comments which one-liners you use and hear most, as well as which ones you’d add to the list. A month back, I found 10 Best Movies on Machine Learning. H lp! A while later, the radio crackles again: “This is your captain speaking, we have lost another engine – but we’re in no danger. Taking Deep Learning to a Whole New Level, What It’s Like to Work in Machine Learning. 9. As January is often considered to be the gloomiest month of the year, we’d like to contribute to beating the winter blues in offices nationwide by sharing ten of the best one-liners specifically design to make software developers smile. That’s why we’ve come up with the best list of hiking jokes and hiking puns for you to share with others. They would also enhance recall of statistical concepts. The third statistician didn’t fire, but shouted in triumph, “On the average we got it!”. There’s a fun CrossValidated thread on statistics jokes. By showing a fake i.i.d. Why did the chicken cross the road? Many of these funny one liners are from legendary comedians and others are from random or unknown people. Answer: Very few, but they must be careful not to shatter* it. What are a shark’s two most favorite words?Man overboard! Take it Easy. IT one liners. But I mix them 50:50. 'Computers make it easie r to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. So, if you are a fan of maths or physics or chemistry, check out these nerdy science one-liners that are weirdly entertaining. You'd be the Chevy Chase circa late-'70s of your social circle, the one who could be counted on to say the perfect thing at the perfect time to make everybody feel a little less uncomfortable and silly. Answer: Becauses they didn’t get arrays. Share your favorite data science/ AI/ math jokes, cartoons, and memes with us and we’ll add it to our page! OK, so maybe Apple founder and marketing whiz Steve Jobs doesn’t immediately spring to mind when you think of humor.… The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. If you would like to read my regular posts then please click 'Follow' and send me a LinkedIn invite. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Answer: He assumed independence. He rang the minister who was also delighted. If you love data science, you’d find many aspects to it. There's no better way to diffuse tension or create a comfortable, playful environment than with a corny joke, and these ironic and hilarious one-liners are great icebreakers for all ages. Ten of the Best Sales One-Liners. But all mine ever says is goodbye.” “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” Variance is what any two statisticians are at. His new book is: Big Data: Using Smart Big Data, Analytics and Metrics To Make Better Decisions and Improve Performance, Big Data: 25 Eye-Opening Facts Everyone Should Know, Big Data: The 4 Layers Everyone Must Know, 10 Awesome Ways Big Data Is Used Today To Change Our World, Big Data: Using Smart Big Data, Analytics and Metrics To Make Better Decisions and Improve Performance. Hope you’d enjoy reading them. Did you hear the one about the statistician? Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.” Peter Kay. 82.89 % / 11983 votes. The others were in a blog post that I found. Here, at LinkedIn, I regularly write about big data as well as management and technology issues and trends. Statistics prove offspring’s an inherited trait. Did you know that 87.166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not justified by the method employed? "A turkey holding its breath." This paper from researchers at the University of Edinburgh describes a method of using big data analysis, complex linguistic algorithms and machine learning to generate jokes which people find funny. See more ideas about jokes, data, humor. They might even make you feel more confident that robots will one day make better comedians than people. Statistically speaking, in China, even if you are a one in a million kind of guy, there are a thousand more just like you. The operator says "Calm down. Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked. If you know any more, or come up with your own, please share them with us in the comments below! But if you had a game-plan—a foolproof joke, a one-liner, say, that could suck all the tension out of the room—why, you'd be a hero! This is only volume 1, and there are a whole lot more where these came from. 4. I enjoyed the binary and mean (that one was at inspire16) for a long time. In data science, 80 percent of time spent is preparing data, 20 percent of time is spent complaining … There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Three statisticians went out hunting and came across a large deer. However you can have your say by sharing your best one liners in the comments below. Happy IPO day! Just tell them what time it is; they don’t care how you built the watch. The data science motto: If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0, What do you get when you cross a pirate with a data scientist? Of course, if you're a star trek fan there are even more data jokes to choose from. What’s the difference between an introverted data analyst & an extroverted one? Logical. “By the way, are you a company manager?”, “Yes,” said the balloonist, “how did you know?”, “Well,” replied the analyst, “You’ve got no idea where you are, no idea what direction you’re heading in, you got yourself into this fix by blowing a load of hot air, and now you expect me to get you out of it.”. May 19, 2015 - Explore Morgan Jones's board "Data Analysis Humor" on Pinterest. Here’s the one with the top votes: A statistician’s wife had twins. Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, and taken from the mouths of comedy legends past and present.. Best jokes … And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. Best One Liners The Best 1 Line Jokes of All-Time. S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd! And then everything crashed. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant. Make us laugh and we’ll add your best 1 liner to the main ADDucation one line jokes list. Enjoy laughing out loud to all these hilarious one liners. There are two kinds of data scientists. The third statistician didn’t fire, but shouted in triumph, “On the average we got it!”. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. Who doesn’t love a good science joke? 82.90 % / 7436 votes. Science vs Science Jokes. Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. This is a compilation of funny, quick, short one liner jokes and sayings about money. Computer One-liners. "What do you call a running turkey?" Lifestyle 30 of the best Christmas jokes 2019 - from cringey one-liners to funny jokes for kids Christmas is one of the jolliest times of the year. The largest collection of death one-line jokes in the world. Just some very funny summations from some very funny people, all told in one line. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data. How did the random variable get into the club? Our journey will take an extra two hours though.”, Not long after, the captain is on the radio again: “We’re down to one engine, we can make it safely, but we’re going to be landing three hours late.”, “I hope we don’t lose the last engine,” says the analyst, “We’ll be up here forever.”. Data Science is Fun-tastic! Three statisticians went out hunting and came across a large deer. According to the latest search data available to us, basketball jokes is searched for nearly 2,400 times per month. “No,” replied the statistician. The following jokes and witticism on statistics would make the course more interesting. I don’t know any programming, but I still Excel in my field! You are so mean that your standard deviation is zero. They thought they were being discrete, but I heard their chatter continuously. “Well,” he explained, “I have to put some horse-meat in too. One out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness. hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? Answer: the extrovert stares at YOUR shoes. Infect yourself with 50 hilarious geeky one-line jokes. '. See TOP 10 death one liners. Old age is statistically good for you – very few people die past the age of 100. But dad jokes aren't just for dads. What can I do?" Check out other recent LinkedIn Influencer posts by Bernard Marr: About : Bernard Marr is a globally recognized expert in strategic metrics and data. This collection is simply intended to bring a smile to your face or brighten up your day… The one liners are grouped in Money Jokes taken from Life Money Jokes & Puns Quick Financial One Liner Jokes Apr 24, 2018 - Explore chris dewar's board "Data Jokes" on Pinterest. It’s a faux pa. "What's blue and covered in feathers?" “By the way, are you a data analyst?”, “Yes,” replies the man, “how did you know?”, “Everything you told me was totally accurate, you gave me way more information than I needed and I still have no idea what I need to do.”, “I’m sorry,” replied the camel-riding analyst. "Fast food." 2. Statistics may be dull, but it has its moments. Big data has been analyzed to find what is apparently the world’s funniest joke – the Laugh Lab experiment in 2002 involved crowdsourcing 1.5 million rating for over 40,000 jokes. Some people have gone further than that – extensive experiments have been carried out using machine learning algorithms to produce computer-generated “jokes” – statements made with the intention of amusing an audience. "If you call a big turkey a gobbler, what do you call a small one?" First, let's make sure he's dead." Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.” Mark Watson (2014) 6. No, well I’m not surprised. 1. "What's the best song to play while cooking a turkey?" The answer is trivial and is left as an exercise for the reader. It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you’re not a dad. Do Neural Networks Dream of Strictly Convex Sheep? He was delighted. There are only 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don't. The captain’s voice announced over the radio “We have lost an engine, but there’s no need to worry, we can fly on three engines, it will just take us an hour longer to reach our destination. Ricky, a customer, visits PC Express, the computer store, 'I'm looking for a mystery adventure game with lots of graphics; you know, something really challenging. 97.3% of all statistics are made up. Enjoy our collection of funny, geeky, tech, programmer and computer jokes below and make sure to share them with friends and family. It’s time to explore the funny side of analytics. During this proce… He calls down to a man riding a camel below him and asks where he is. Answer: I feel so marginalized, AI blogs are like philosophy majors. We are adding a one-click tweet button with every one-liner for you to be able to quickly share them on Twitter. Check three friends. There are 10 kinds of people in this world. This was the winning entry – I let you decide whether you agree or not: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. Two random variables were talking in a bar. Data science is 80% preparing data, 20% complaining about preparing data. What did one support vector say to another support vector? If you like this quick one liner joke by Peter Kay, please share it now. In the meantime, a few people have come up with jokes about data and analytics– I’ll leave a few here with no guarantees they will make you laugh out loud. ''Well,' replies the shop assistant, 'Have you tried Windows Vista?'. Tech One Liners: Some things Man was never meant to know. Absolutely hillarious death one-liners! And, of course, feel free to also connect via Twitter, Facebook and The Advanced Performance Institute. Asking for a friend.” Steve Bugeja (2016) 4. “One in four frogs is a leap frog.” Chris Turner (201… 1. For everything else, there’s Google. It isn’t yet, but it might do one day! The first statistician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. So we might be a way off from being able to go and see a robot performing good stand-up comedy – but it could happen one day! © Copyright – Data Science Dojo | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service, +1 (877) 360-3442 | help@datasciencedojo.com, Data Science for Managers and Business Leaders. Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud. I went to a street where the houses were numbered 8k, 16k, 32k, 64k, 128k, 256k and 512k. 3. Answer: Someone who specializes in Rrrr, A SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks “Can I join you?”, Why should you take a data scientist with you into the jungle? Enjoy and share! With this article you can also do something for your abs and burn off the excess Christmas treats. Data is like people – interrogate it hard enough and it will tell you whatever you want to hear. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. The ball is in your court, so enjoy! There are plenty of Dilbert cartoons to choose from. 5. “How do people make new mates? Not all of them have a deeper meaning. Check below to find your favorite jokes type including hiking puns, knock-knock jokes, one-liners, and dirty hiking jokes! Parent: If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you follow them? 8. “The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. A week later, I found 7 Documentaries on Statistics. The second statistician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. 11 Clean One Liner Jokes “Money talks. 1.) If your parent didn’t have kids, odds are you won’t either. We can help. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?". She was wearing massive gloves.” Alun Cochrane (2015) 7. “My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. There’s nothing quite like landing a well-timed hiking joke while out hiking with some friends! Probably…. Check out our remote data science bootcamp! EVER. Big data has been analyzed to find what is apparently the world’s funniest joke – the Laugh Lab experiment in 2002 involved crowdsourcing 1.5 million rating for over 40,000 jokes.